Muse n Amuse
CEJ - New Posts for sustainable Corporate Structures
We expend a great portion of our energy upholding our importance!” – Teachings of Don Juan, Carlos Castanedaffice
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Stephan Iscoe recently joined ryze and, in the Title field, he had himself listed as CEJ, i.e. Chief Executive Jester! Guess he was joking, but wouldn’t it be great idea if we really had a CEJ? Somebody, with a whole department and system in place! All to stop us from taking ourselves too seriously at work. Have generally worked on my own and/or in small homogeneous teams. Therefore, during the course of my career found it very difficult to identify with Dilbert!
It was only when I got to work in a “big” corporate that I was able to not only identify with Dilbert, but also began to realize how uncomfortably close to reality those ludicrous situations portrayed in the strips were!
Considering the fact that the position of a “Jester” was a paid position for a considerable period of time in history, and their unsung effort resulted in fewer wars fought, lesser heads chopped off (umm lack of too many conviniently located head hunters in those days and the resultant problem in replacing chopped off head, might also have been the reason, but let’s not dwell on that now) and knights having more time to polish their Armour instead of trying to find chinks in other’s.
So would it be such a bad an idea to have somebody to be around to tell us hey it’s all in a day’s work!!!
Some body who would motivate you with: "If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday."
or sympathise with: "The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts."
or appreciate with a "Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security."
or "At least you're not being rectally probed by aliens."
and even nod understandingly with "Plagiarism saves time."
Until that happens here’s some sanity exercise, I’d recommend, to keep your work place going! Some of them being my own creation and a few culled from various places!
Wear Sarong or Grass skirt on Mondays to office. Insist, it’s been prescribed to you, to beat the Monday morning blues!
Enter meetings and conferences hopping on a leg.
Conduct a meeting insisting on people using their ESP (extra sensory perception) and keep telling people that they shouldn't be having 'that' kind of a thought in an official meeting.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers!
Speak aloud as people entering an elevator: “Isn’t this the one which got stuck for 5 hours last week?”
Go to a poetry recital and ask loudly why the poems don't rhyme.
Replace your immediate boss's Title (Director, General Manager etc.) with "The Missing Link"
Take someone's soda can before they open it and shake it up well while they are not looking.
Insist on messaging to co-workers on the same floor by Morse code. Use a paperweight and the table to do it!
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want ketchup and mustard with that.
Paste a "CONTAMINATED WATER" sticker at each water fountain in office. Put is "Contaminated with laughter" in 9 points below it. Check out how many read it.
Insist on walking backwards in office. Say it’s the latest in Yoga.
Finish all your sentences with "maintaining the delicate balance of bio-degradability!"
Don't use any punctuation for a whole week.
Spell your punctuations the next week period
Insist on telling people how much better they’ll look after a sex change!
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I won! Third time this week!".
Have all your business proposals start with: “Adhering to the quatriemes of Nostradamus’s prophecy we propose…
Go down on your knees every time the boss comes in and address as “Oh divine immediate-attention”
Go ahead! Make somebody’s day!...FREAK them out!
Came across these blogs here and here, which seemed to highlight cubicle work atmosphere and make for a good read! And a complete blog on workmates here!
In case you’d like to add a comment (I hope most of you would like to), please add your name too. And in case I don’t know you, please also do leave your e-mail so that I can get back to you. However there’s the risk of a spider locating it, to spam you. In that case do e-mail me! I’d gladly receive a few thousand proposals to enlarge various body parts of mine, irrespective of sex, in my inbox for even one mail, which had some thoughts to share!
In case you’d like to know more about me, visit my ryze page!
Work Day prayer!
A Prayer for the stressed!
(received on the net)
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people
I had to kill today because they pissed me off!
And also help me to be careful of the toes I step on
Today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have
to kiss tomorrow.
Help me give my 100% at work...
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays
And help me to rememeber...
When I'm having a really bad day,
that it takes 42 muscles to frown and
only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!
Amen!
All in a day's work! - Dilbert's Wisdom
Profound wisdom form the GREAT and WISE Dilbert! 
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
My reality check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
To error is human, to forgive is not our policy.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
Following the rules will not get the job done.
Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
The battle of a cloudy day
Wrote this piece a while back. Before the onset of monsoons!
View from the second Hoogly Bridge. Calcutta Pic. provided by Rajesh.
They closed ranks imperiously, maintaining their commitment to the assault.fficeffice" />
The growing armada saw its ranks swell marshalled by the winds. There would be a massacre amongst them, but unwavering they waited for dawn to break. Prepared to face the murderous barrage.
The sun would unleash its onslaught of rays, dispersing masses of dark grey clouds. Decimating the legions of cottony airborne bales, dispersing them into wisps of vapours. All to keep up its relentless heat, living up to its fierce reputation of the Summer Sun.
But today the clouds had unwavering will. The sun would not be allowed to cleave through their ranks and singe the earth. Their precious cargo of droplets of water, would be given adequate time to precipitate and quench the thirst of the parched earth.
The Sun climbed the sky in all its imperious glory, slighted by the temerity of the clouds and bent on vanquishing this mutiny of a fellow element at the earliest! The battle raged and the rays of Sun ravaged! The clouds closed ranks over fallen comrades, caught in the desperation of dilemma. To let go of their cargo and have their ranks deplete in strength, thus jeopardising the siege or and result in the triumph of the Sun or withhold and watch the mute agony of the earth. So near to its replenishment yet so far!
The battle between the supremacy of the Sun and the will of the clouds reigned...until suddenly the Sun broke through! Dispersing the clouds, which were voluminous a moment ago into transparent vapours of humidity!
Those brave soldiers who had carried heir precious munitions, with greatest care and fortitude over seas, oceans and lands, simply to keep their tryst with thirst fulfilment proved to be simply inadequate against the overwhelming might of the solar forces! Vanquished! Without a shot fired, a drop precipitated, the thirst of a blade of grass quenched! Laying an arduous journey to waste, having achieved nothing more then provide an ephemeral shade!
Why then take up the perils of the journey knowing that all travails might lead to fruitlessness? Why sneak on currents of air and momentous winds, committing all to achieve nothing...but the hop that the next Armada would prevail!
Our planet differentiates itself from its neighbours in this solar system, in its ability to nurture life. The only reason maybe the fact that its denizens brave untenable odds to fulfil their tryst with destiny! Individual efforts may be laid waste, but the wave started carries through! And through this, the will prevails and is done! The cycle of Life replenished!
Perhaps there is much to be learnt by the bit of vapour, which leaves the warm and secure embrace of the ocean to partner a speck of dust! Simply, to heed the call of destiny and do battle against the mighty sun, all so that life may prevail!
-Avi
The course of creativity and the identity of an Idea
Some abstract thoughts on Creativity and ideas!
To chase evanescent thoughts and harvest ideas.
To run with a sense of wonderment after flitting flashes of inspiration, trying to catch them in a net of logic.
To mine deep within the conscious seeking to hit the magma flow of ideation.
To bring amorphous thoughts, structured by mental churning, into reality and give birth to creation.
To loose control! To catch a thermal of thought and glide it through a sieve of reality!
This I perceive to be the mechanics of creativity.
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Isn’t this magic? This act of bringing a denizen of another dimension into the dimension we term as reality, in the form of creation? Could it be that we are similarly plucked, erstwhile living and breathing in this dimension, rendered dead to be a mere thought process somewhere else? Do we aspire to be a creation in another dimension beyond? Forsaking the relationship we form here to form new ones there?
Do ideas have relationships too? Do we hurt them when we pluck them from their dimension and bring them to ours? Tear them asunder from relationships lovingly nurtured? Do ideas have other ideas dependant on them? Have hopes foisted on them? Are parts of a greater structure of which they form an integral part?
Have we ever tried to figure it out? If we knew, would we be more careful with them? Be more sensitive to them? Be more truthful to them and true to the trust they place on us? To fully uphold the inherent promise in each idea, when they present themselves to us, and be completely responsible towards realising them as creation in our own dimension.
Have we taken the process of ideation for granted? Concerned with our accolades and encomiums. Concerned with their acceptability and their ability to withstand criticism and the assault of judgement. Oh we’ve been passionately involved with the ideas, but more so to our stature and standing brought about by the constructs of these ideas. More attached to the rewards they beget us then with the ideas themselves.
Enticing them from their own realm, we have at time trapped in the imbroglio of non-realisation, for fears of one’s own. Instead of allowing them, as ideas, to seed other ideas, we stockade them with copyrights. Leave ideas unfulfilled, unrealised, because we had doubts about our own abilities.
At times, with prolonged misuse, the ideas loose faith and trust in us and stop coming over to our dimension through us! Some are blocked, unable to cross the vent, blocked by carcass of unrealised ideas. Caught in this creative block, we seek recourse to formulae, larceny and perfidy.
If ideas truly have a realm of their own, and we bring them across to serve our purpose, should we approach ideas with such callousness? Or should we interact with a greater degree of sensitivity? For, after all they do come in to colour our existence!
Any artist will tell you that they are but medium to the ideas and all they can aspire to be are better taps, creating a smoother flow, free of turbulence. A more prolific flow of these celestial entities...ideas.
I’ve therefore decided to express myself, not for laurels or brickbats, accolades or opprobrium, acceptance or relegation, but to celebrate the fact that these ideas present themselves to me. And entrust me with their realisation and to them I intend to be true!
Hi! : In case you’d like to add a comment (I hope most of you would like to), please add your name too. And in case I don’t know you, please also do leave your e-mail so that I can get back to you. However there’s the risk of a spider locating it, to spam you. In that case do e-mail me! I’d gladly receive a few thousand proposals to enlarge various body parts of mine, irrespective of sex, in my inbox for even one mail, which had some thoughts to share!
In case you’d like to know more about me, visit my ryze page!
The Work Virus!
At Work: S/W Photoshop. '98
Had received this e-mailed warning sometime back:fficeffice" />
There is a new virus going around, called "Work." If you receive any sort of "Work" at all, whether via email, Internet or simply handed to you by a colleague...DO NOT OPEN IT.
"Work" has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open "Work" or even look at "Work" have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly.
If you do encounter "Work" via email or are faced with any "Work" at all, then to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with the words "File it where the sun don't shine...I'm going to the pub!" The "Work" should automatically be forgotten by your brain. If you receive "Work" in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the "Work” to your garbage can. Put on your coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and order three pints of beer.
After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that "Work" will no longer be of any relevance to you and that "Scooby Doo" was the greatest cartoon ever.
Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do not have anyone in your address book, then I'm afraid the "Work" virus has already corrupted your life.
Fortunately for most of us here in Calcutta, ‘Work’ the virus, hasn’t been able to afflict too many. This is thanks to the superb antibodies built up over a protracted period of time through regular exercise of the oral cavity by means of ‘adda’. This of course leads to a variety of other viral infections like the last “Bush VS Saddam” virus and the afflicted people expound exponentially their expert opinions on the viral subject. However these afflictions are generally temporary in nature and the previous ones have been “Afghanistan” virus, “Nostradamus” virus, “Bin Ladin” virus and various other such micro-topicisms, which has attained a never-ending relay of new mutations leaving the afflicted, addicted to the activity for a lifetime.
However to believe that us bongs (slang: Bengalis, an ethnic group in India) would resort to just one course of defence through a pithy aphorism like “an adda a day keeps afflictions like work away!” as a means of survival would be gross injustice to the intellectual capability of the denizens of Bongland (West Bengal). They also resort to a daily dose of Vitamin P (Philosophy) pill! This builds up the hormones at a philosophical level to bring about the realisation that ‘Sansar’ (the world) is a “Maya” (Illusion) and work is a bad joke of the grand illusionist, and as a good joke deserves another, treating work as a joke develops ones immunity to the disease further! Compound this with the doctor’s own recipe “mind other people’s own business” provides the all time cure of being perpetually engrossed in correcting other people in terms of how they should work, to ever have work thrust upon oneself! (Brilliant huh?)
Einstein’s relativity provided the necessary time-space dilation to yet another immunity process brought about by a neo-Kabir doha. “Aaj karey so kal kar, kal karey so parso, ab jaldi bhi kya hai yaarey, jab padein hai barso!” (Do tomorrow that which can be done today, and that which can be done tomorrow the day after. Why hurry my friend when years await hereafter).
Time, at the end of the day, is only relative and after all the quest of life is to seek God and as said the brilliant poet “Aaram shabd mein hai Ram chupa, is ka bhao bandhan jo dhota hai, chir jeevan tak sada sukhi ho jata hai!” (Even the word “Aaraam” to rest, has “Ram” god, in it! Deep introspect uncovers such profound knowledge! :P)
Suffice to say, old pal Bob Frost would never have been able to write “..but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep…” in Calcutta, though I do think lack of snowy evenings would also have been a contributing factor!
All this is of course all in pursuit of perfection, for there has to be somebody who would accomplish enough to provide as a PERFECT textbook example of static inertia and there’s a whole city full aspiring to be such microscopic samples!
But being geographically distanced from this city, I do worry about your own immunity system to the “Work” virus and hope that you will take adequate measures from such deadly afflictions!
Take care!
Avi 
Hi! In case you’d like to add a comment (I hope most of you would like to), please add your name too. And in case I don’t know you, please also do leave your e-mail so that I can get back to you. However there’s the risk of a spider locating it, to spam you. In that case do e-mail me! I’d gladly receive a few thousand proposals to enlarge various body parts of mine, irrespective of sex, in my inbox for even one mail, which had some thoughts to share!
In case you’d like to know more about me, visit my ryze page!